The Draco Horror Picture Show
by Sunshine Stacy
Summary: [COMPLETE] What do you get when you cross the The Rocky Horror PIcture Show and Harry Potter? The Draco Horror Picture Show of course! Very funny, especially since Seamus is the Sweet Transvestite. :)
1. I Love You

                                                                                    The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n:** Okay, well this is going to be my third multi-chapter story, and I'm going to try it out. Enjoy! : )

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything in this story. Not even the plot. The characters belong to the Harry Potter book series by J.K. Rowling, and the plot belongs to the movie: The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Now if I did own both of those things, I would be rolling in money right now, not writing lousy fan fictions.

**Full Summary: **The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Harry Potter cross over type thing.

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                                                                                    ****

**Chapter One – I Love You**

**Setting: Outside a church where Harry and Ginny were getting married. Than, I crowd of people began pouring out of it.**

DENTONIAN: [Pointing at church entrance] Here they come!

PHOTOGRAPHER: [Raising camera] Let's get a picture. [Starts flashing camera] Close together now, the folks and then the grandparents. [Flashes camera] Yes, all the close family. [Flashes camera] Ahh, hold that, beautiful. And…smile! [Flashes camera] Congratulations!

**Harry and Ron wonder off away from the crowd and starts talking.**

HARRY: I guess we finally did it, huh?

RON: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Ginny have been almost inseparable since you met in Professor Lupin's DADA class.

HARRY: Well, to tell you the truth, Ron, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place.

GINNY: [Holding her bouquet, about to toss it behind her] O.k. you guys this is it. [Tosses it]

HERMIONE: [Catches bouquet] I got it! I got it!

HARRY: [Punches Ron in the arm] Hey big fella, looks like your turn next, eh?

RON: [Shrugs] Who knows.

**A car pulls up which Harry and Ron walk towards to.**

HARRY: [Opens door] Well, so long, see you Ron. [Gets in and turns to Ginny] Guess we better get going Ginny. Come on, hop in. [Ginny gets in the car and Harry looks at Ron] See ya Ron! [Starts the car and drives away]

HERMIONE: [Comes up to Ron] Oh Ron, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Ginny look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it. And hour ago, she was just plain old Ginny Weasley and now…now she's Mrs. Harry Potter.

RON: [Walks off] Yes Hermione, Harry's a lucky guy.

HERMIONE: [Follows Ron] Yes.

DENTONIAN: [Wiping tears] I always cry at weddings.

RON: Uh, Everyone knows that Ginny is a wonderful cook.

HERMIONE: Yes.

RON: Why Harry himself, he'll be in a line for a promotion in a year or two.

HERMIONE: Yes.

RON: [Faces Hermione] Hey, Hermione?

HERMIONE: [Facing Ron] Yes, Ron?

RON: I've got something to say.

HERMIONE: Uh huh.

RON: [Coming into a song] I really love the…skilled way…you beat the other girls…to the bride's bouquet.

HERMIONE: [Sighs] Oh, Ron.

RON: [Starts singing] The river was deep but I swam it. (Hermione)

           The future is ours so let's plan it. (Hermione)

           So please, don't tell me to can it. (Hermione)

           I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Hermione I love you.

**Ron starts going up to the church doors and dances around the entrance of the church. Hermione follows him.**

           The road was long but I ran it. (Hermione)

           There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Hermione)

           If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Hermione)

           I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Hermione I love you.

Ron draws a heart on the church doors.

           Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.

           There's three ways that love can grow.

           That's good, bad, or mediocre.

           Oh, H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E I love you so.

**Ron gives Hermione a ring, and Hermione enters the church.**

HERMIONE:[Starts singing] Oh, it's nicer than Ginny Weasley had. (Oh Ron)

           Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Ron)

           That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Ron)

           I've one thing to say and that's Ron, I'm mad, for you too.

            Oh Ron.

**Ron and Hermione start dancing together, still singing.**

RON: Oh…Dammit…

HERMIONE: I'm mad…

RON: Oh, Hermione…

HERMIONE: …For you…

RON: …I love you too.

RON AND HERMIONE: There's on thing left to do – ah – oo.

RON: And that's go see the man who began it. (Hermione)

           When we met in his science exam - it (Hermione)

           Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Hermione)

           Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Hermione, I love you.

           Dammit, Hermione.

HERMIONE: Oh Ron, I'm mad.

RON: Dammit, Hermione

RON AND HERMIONE: I love you…

[Exits]

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A/n: Okay, I did my best on it. What do you think? OH yeah, and when Ron sings, I know the Hermione doesn't rhyme when it's supposed to, but it's really supposed to be Janet, but oh well. Well, review and tell me what you think! : )__


	2. Over At The Finnegan Place

The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n: **Okay, here's the next chapter to this wonderful musical. (The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a musical if you didn't know that). Oh, and to the readers who are waiting for my Match Made In Heaven sequel, I'm writing it, and I will publish it when I'm done.

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Chapter Two – Over At The Finnegan Place 

AUTHOR (me): I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Ron Weasley and his fiancée Hermione Granger, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, left London that late November evening, to visit a Professor Lupin, ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were driving.  It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they? ...  On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time.

HERMIONE: [Sitting in a car, reading a newspaper, and sees a motorcycle pass by] Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all.

RON: [Driving] Yes, life's pretty cheep to that type.

HERMIONE: Oh. [Folds her newspaper and sets it down]…What's the matter, Ron darling?

RON: [Stops the car, seeing a dead end sign] Hmm… We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

HERMIONE: Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from?

RON: Hmm…Well, I guess we'll just have to turn back. [Backs up car]

**_Then, there was a big BANG!_**

HERMIONE: Oh! What was that bang?

RON: We must have a blow out. DAMMIT!  I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help.

HERMIONE: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?

RON: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I could use. [Gets out of car]

HERMIONE: I'm going with you. [Gets out of car]

RON: Oh no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.

HERMIONE: I'm coming with you!  Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again. [Putting the newspaper over her head]

**_Ron laughs, and they made their way to the castle they saw a few miles back._**

HERMIONE: [Starts singing] In the velvet darkness,

           Of the blackest night,

           Burning bright, there's a guiding star.

           No matter what or who you are.

**_Ron and Hermione hug each other._**

RON AND HERMIONE: [Singing] There's a light...

Chorus: Over at the Finnegan place.

RON AND HERMIONE: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace...

RON AND HERMIONE: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

DEAN: [Singing] The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.

           Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming

           Into my life.  Into my life...

RON AND HERMIONE: There's a light...

Chorus:    Over at the Finnegan place.

RON AND HERMIONE: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace.

           There's a light, a light

RON AND HERMIONE: ...in the darkness of everybody's life.

RON:      I can see the flag fly

           I can see the rain

           Just the same, there has got to be

           Something better here for you and me.

AUTHOR:  And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Ron and Hermione and those they had found the assistance that their plight required.  ...Or had they?

**_Ron and Hermione arrive at the entrance of the castle._**

HERMIONE: Ron, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...

RON: Just a moment Hermione, they might have a phone.

**_Ron knocks on the door, and an ugly man answers the door._**

DEAN: Hello.

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**A/n:** Okay, Dean is playing the part of Riff Raff. Well, please review and tell me what you think…please?


	3. Time Warp

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n: **Well, thanks for the reviews, and know here's the next chapter to this lovely story/musical/crossover type thing, that I do not own.

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Chapter 3 – Time Warp 

RON: Hi! My name is Ron Weasley, and this is my fiancée, Hermione Granger.  I wonder if you could help us.  You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?

DEAN: You're wet.

HERMIONE: Yes - it's raining.

RON: Yes.

DEAN: Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside. [Opens the door wider, and lets Ron and Hermione in]

HERMIONE: [Enters with Ron] You're too kind. [Says quietly to Ron] Oh Ron, I'm frightened.  What kind of a place is this?

RON: [Looks around] Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

HERMIONE: Oh.

DEAN: This way. [Leading them through the castle]

HERMIONE: Are you having a party? [Hearing people talking and laughing]

DEAN: You've arrived on a rather special night.  It's one of the master's affairs.

HERMIONE: Oh, lucky him.

PAVARTI:   You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha... [Laying on the staircase railing]

DEAN: [Starts Singing] It's astounding;

           Time is fleeting;

           Madness takes its toll.

           But listen closely...

**_Ron and Hermione run through the house as Dean and Pavarti chase them._**

PAVARTI:  [Singing] Not for very much longer.

DEAN: I've got to keep control.

           I remember doing the time warp

           Drinking those moments when

           The blackness would hit me

Dean and Pavarti chase the couple into a room filled with cross-dressing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

DEAN AND PAVARTI: And a void would be calling...

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: [In a big line] Let's do the time warp again.

                Let's do the time warp again.

AUTHOR:  It's just a jump to the left. [Jumping to the left]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: And then a step to the right. [Stepping to the right]

AUTHOR:  With your hands on your hips. [Placing hands on her hips]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: You bring your knees in tight. [Bringing their knees in tight]

           But it's the pelvic thrust [thrusting their pelvis]

           That really drives you insane. [Moving their hips in a circular motion]

           Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

PAVARTI:   It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.

           So you can't see me, no, not at all.

           In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,

           Well secluded, I see all.

DEAN: With a bit of a mind flip

PAVARTI:   You're into the time slip.

DEAN: And nothing can ever be the same.

PAVARTI:   You're spaced out on sensation.

DEAN: Like you're under sedation.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

LAVENDER: [Singing] Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

           When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.

           He shook me up, he took me by surprise

           He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.

           He stared at me and I felt a change.

           Time meant nothing, never would again.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

AUTHOR:  It's just a jump to the left! [Jumping to the left]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: And then a step to the right. [Taking a step to the right]

AUTHOR:  With your hands on your hips.... [Placing hands on her hips]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: You bring your knees in tight. [Bringing knees in tight]

           But it's the pelvic thrust [Thrusting pelvis]

           That really drives you insane. [Moving their hips in a circular motion]

           Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

AUTHOR:  It's just a jump to the left!! [On top of her desk, jumping to the left enthusiastically]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: And then a step to the right. [Stepping to the right]

AUTHOR:  With your hands on your hips! [Placing hands on her hips]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: You bring your knees in tight. [Bringing knees in tight]

           But it's the pelvic thrust [Thrusting pelvis]

           That really drives you insane. [Moving their hips in a circular motion]

           Let's do the time warp again.

           Let's do the time warp again.

The song is finish, and the cross dressing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, including Dean, Pavarti, and Lavender, drop to the floor. Ron and Hermione are at the entrance of the white room.

HERMIONE:    Ron, say something.

RON:      Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?

The cross-dressing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs get up, and look at Ron and Hermione.

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A/n: I love that dance! Well, review, please, and I'll post up the next chapter.


	4. Sweet Transvestite

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n: **Okay, well in the last chapter Pavarti was playing the part of Magenta, and Lavender was playing the part of Columbia, and the cross-dressing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were playing the part of the Transylvanians. Now, who would play the part of Dr. Frank? DUN DUN DUNNN!

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**Chapter Four – Sweet Transvestite**

Ron and Hermione were at the entrance of the room, and Hermione was backing up, leaving the room.

HERMIONE: Ron, please, let's get out of here. [Walking backwards, making her way towards the doors]

RON: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Hermione.

HERMIONE: But it... it seems so unhealthy here. [She walks into an elevator going down]

RON: It's just a party, Hermione. [A high-heel tapping from the elevator]

HERMIONE: Well - I want to go. [Tap]

RON: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone. [Tap]

HERMIONE: Well then ask the butler or someone. [Tap]

RON: Just a moment, Hermione - we don't want to interfere with their celebration. [Tap]

HERMIONE: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Ron. [Tap]

RON: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.  They may do some more... folk dancing. [Tap]

HERMIONE: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared! [Tap]

RON: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

The tapping stopped, and the elevator landed. Inside the elevator was a man with a face plastered with heavy make-up. Looking very ugly…and unusual.

SEAMUS: [Singing, walking out of the elevator, leading the couple back to the room]

           How do you do, I

           See you've met my

           Faithful handyman.

           He's just a little brought down

           Because when you knocked

           He thought you were the candy man.

           Don't get strung out by the way I look.

           Don't judge a book by its cover.

           I'm not much of a man by the light of day

           But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

           I'm just a sweet transvestite [He takes off his cloak, revealing a revealing out fit with stockings a tights…looking like a whore]

           From Transsexual, Transylvania. [Starts dancing…seductively, and gets greeted by the cross dressing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs]

           Let me show you around

           Maybe play you a sound.

           You look like you're both pretty groovy.

           Or if you want something visual

           That's not too abysmal,

           We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

RON: I'm glad we caught you at home,

           Could we use your phone?

           We're both in a bit of a hurry.

HERMIONE: Right.

RON: We'll just say where we are,

           Then go back to the car.

           We don't want to be any worry.

SEAMUS: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that?

           Well, babies, don't you panic.

           By the light of the night it'll all seem all right.

           I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

           I'm just a sweet transvestite

           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           Why don't you stay for the night? [Sitting in a chair and Dean, Lavender, and Pavarti are on either side of him]

DEAN: Night.

SEAMUS: Or maybe a bite?

LAVENDER:  Bite.

SEAMUS: I could show you my favorite obsession.

           I've been making a man

           With blond hair and a tan

           And he's good for relieving my......tension

           I'm just a sweet transvestite

           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           HIT IT, HIT IT!

           I'm just a sweet transvestite

SEAMUS, LAVENDER, DEAN, AND PAVARTI: Sweet transvestite [Seamus walking back towards the elevator]

SEAMUS:     From Transsexual,

LAVENDER, DEAN, AND PAVARTI: Transylvania.

SEAMUS:     So - come up to the lab, [In the elevator, talking to Ron and Hermione]

           And see what's on the slab.

           I see you shiver with antici --- pation.

           But maybe the rain

           Isn't really to blame.

           So I'll remove the cause.

           But not the symptom.

While Dr. Seamus Finnegan leaves, Dean starts undressing Hermione, and Pavarti starts undressing Ron.

HERMIONE: Oh!  Ron! [Squeals as Dean undresses her]

RON: It's all right Hermione. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right. [Pavarti pulls down his pants.]

LAVENDER: [Comes up from behind them, checking Ron out] Oh, slowly, slowly!  It's too nice a job to rush.

RON: [Pavarti tugging up his shirt, over his head] Hi, my name is Ron Weasley, and this is my fiancée, Hermione Granger; ah. you are...?

LAVENDER:  You're very lucky to be invited up to Seamus's laboratory.  Some people would give their right arm for the privilege.

RON: People like you maybe.

LAVENDER: [Walking towards the elevator] Ha! I've seen it.

DEAN: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting. [Pushing Ron and Hermione towards the elevator]

PAVARTI:   Shift it!

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**A/n**: Okay, well, there you have it, a cross dressing Seamus now. Well, review…please? : )


	5. The Sword of Damocles

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n:** Okay, well, you have your whore of a Seamus, and now, you're going up to his lab. Hmm…that's where he'll show you his latest creation.

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Chapter Five – The Sword of Damocles 

Dean, Pavarti, Lavender, Ron and Hermione were now in the elevator going up to Seamus' lab.

HERMIONE: Is he, um, Seamus I mean - is he your husband?

DEAN: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be.  We are simply his servants.

HERMIONE: Oh.

The elevator stops, and they arrive at Seamus' lab. Of course, Seamus is waiting for them at the other side of the lab, in a green lab coat. The five stepped out of the elevator, Hermione in a bra and a dress slip, and Ron in his underwear. Inside the lab, the cross dressing Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are there.

SEAMUS: Lavender, Pavarti - go assist Dean.  I will entertain ...uh huh huh... [Sticking out his hand for Ron and Hermione to shake]

Ron: Ron Weasley.  This is my fiancée, Hermione "Ranger". [Shaking Seamus' hand]

HERMIONE: Granger. [Correcting Ron]

RON:      Granger?  Um.

SEAMUS: Enchante. [Kisses Hermione lightly on the hand. Hermione giggles]

SEAMUS: Well!  How nice.  And what charming underclothes you both have. [Giving Ron and Hermione white lab button up shirts] But here.  Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable.  It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.

RON:  [Approaching Seamus] Hospitality!?  All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, God dammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!

HERMIONE: [Approaching Ron] Ron, don't be ungrateful.

RON: Ungrateful!

SEAMUS: How forceful you are, Ron.  Such a perfect specimen of manhood.  So... dominant.  You must be awfully proud of him, Hermione.

HEMIONE: Well, yes I am.

SEAMUS: [Checking Ron out] Do you have any tattoos, Ron?

RON:      Certainly not!

SEAMUS: [Facing Hermione] Oh well. How about you?

HERMIONE:     No.

DEAN: [Approaching Seamus, Hermione, and Ron] Everything is in readiness, master.  We merely await your... word.

SEAMUS: [Walking towards to a stage, with a microphone, and begins his speech.] Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine!  It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into lace, not a sign of being. What a fool!  The answer was there all the time; it took a small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT...

PAVARTI AND LAVENDER: [Behind Seamus] An accident!

SEAMUS: and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life...  Yes, I have that knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!  [Ordering Dean who is near a control panel] Up now! ...Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!

Seamus begins walking towards a tank, and a body wrapped in bandages was lying in it. A contraption type thing began to come down, with knobs. Seamus began turning the knobs, and laughing uncontrollably, having colorful liquids pouring out if it.

HERMIONE: [Hugs Ron] Oh, Ron!

RON: [Hugs Hermione] It's all right, Hermione!

SEAMUS: Oh! Draco!

The body began to rise, and the bandages around his head came off, revealing a blonde, handsome face. Than Lavender and Pavarti starts cutting off the bandages around his body, revealing a tan, muscular sexy body.

DRACO: [Singing]

The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,

           And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread. [Grabs the contraption as it rises back up, and hangs off it]

SEAMUS: [Trying to grab him] You IDIOT!!

DRACO:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.

           Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

           I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed. [Let's go of the hanging contraption and starts running around the room, with Seamus chasing him]

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: [Singing] That ain't no crime.

DRACO:     And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnamable dread.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: That ain't no crime.

DRACO:     My high is low; I'm dressed up with no place to go.

           And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

SEAMUS: [Still chasing Draco around the room] Oh, Draco!

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh ho no no

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh ho no no

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh ho no no

DRACO:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.

SEAMUS:     Well, really!

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: That ain't no crime.

DRACO:     And I've got the feeling someone's going to be cutting the thread.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery

           And, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh no no no.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

DRACO:     Oh no no no.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,

           Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,

           sha-la-la.

The singing stopped as Draco stood near the tank he came out of, and Seamus went near him, rubbing Draco's sexy muscular body. 

SEAMUS: Well really.  That's no way to behave on your first day out.

DRACO:     Ugh Ugh

SEAMUS:     But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.

DRACO:     Ugh Ugh

SEAMUS:     Oh, I just love success.

DEAN: He's a credit to your genius, master.

SEAMUS:     Yes.

PAVARTI:   A triumph of your will.

SEAMUS:     Yes.

LAVENDER:  He's O.K.

SEAMUS: O.K.?  O.K.?!?  I think we can do better than that.  Humph! [Dragging incredibly sexy Draco over to Ron and Hermione] Well, Ron and Hermione, what do you think of him?

Hermione: [Looking at sexy Draco, and than to Ron] Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Seamus:     I didn't make him FOR YOU!  He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

(*---*)

**A/n:** So, Draco is sexy, what other news is there? Well, please review, and I'll post up the next chapter…Oh what fun! :)


	6. I Could Make You A Man And Hot Patootie

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

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**A/n:** Ah, now here's the next chapter, filled with joyous singing! : )

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Chapter 6 – I Can Make You A Man and Hot Patootie 

SEAMUS: [Singing, and leading Draco to a spot in the lap where a set of weights are at]

A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

           Will get sand in his face

           When kicked to the ground;

           And soon in the gym with a determined chin,

           The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause

           Will make him glisten ...and gleam.

           And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,

           He'll be pink and quite clean

           He'll be a strong man.  Oh honey...

SEAMUS AND THE RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS:  But the wrong man.

SEAMUS: [Pulls out a bar thing, and starts riding on it]

He'll eat nutritious high protein.  And swallow raw eggs...

           Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... Legs.

           Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.

           In just seven days...

SEAMUS AND THE RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS:  I can make you a man.

SEAMUS: [Draco drops to the ground and does push ups]

He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.

           He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.

           Such strenuous living I just don't understand,

           When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man.

**_Than, a red door begins to fall down, and out comes a man on a motorcycle._**

LAVENDER: [Shrieks] Neville!

Neville: [Getting off the motorcycle, with a saxophone strapped to his shoulder, and starts to sing]

            Whatever happened to Saturday night,

           When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right?

           It don't seem the same since cosmic light

           Came into my life, I thought I was divine.

           I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,

           And listen to the music on the radio;

           A saxophone was blowin' in a rock 'n roll show.

           You climbed in the back seat; you really had a good time.

[Goes up to Lavender and starts dirty dancing with her]

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.

           My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.

           I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt

           And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.

           Get back in front, put some hair oil on

           Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.

           With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.

           It felt pretty good. Woo! You really had a good time.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

**_Everyone started dancing and enjoying the song, but unfortunately Seamus didn't like it. Neville started riding his motorcycle around the lab and Seamus chases him around with an ax. When Neville rides back to through the door that he came from, Seamus kills Neville, and everybody screams. And Draco was left lock in the elevator._**           

SEAMUS: One from the vaults. [Unlocks the elevator door and lets Draco out]  Oh baby! Don't be upset...  It was a mercy killing... he had a certain naive charm, but no muscle... [Draco flexes in front of Seamus] Oh!

SEAMUS: [Singing] But a deltoid and a bicep.

           A hot groin and a triceps.

           Makes me, oooh, shake,

           Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...ha-ha-hand.

SEAMUS AND THE RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: In just seven days I can make you a man.

SEAMUS: I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension. [Leading Draco to a bedroom in the lab]

HERMIONE: I'm a muscle fan.

SEAMUS: In just seven days, I can make you a man

           Dig it if you can

           In just seven days, I can make you a man.

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS: Seamus and Draco, rah-rah-rah!  Seamus and Draco, rah-rah-rah!  Seamus and Draco, rah-rah-rah! Seamus and Draco, rah-rah-rah! [Seams and Draco enter the room, and the curtains close, just after Seamus jumps on Draco]

AUTHOR:  There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of the imagination.  If this is so, then Ron and Hermione are quite safe, ... however, the sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms.

(*---*)

**A/n:** Well…hmm…mild slash right in this one wasn't there? Well, of course there was going to be some, because Seamus is the sweet transvestite and Draco was incredibly sexy. Well anyways, review please! : )


	7. Creature of the Night

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

(*---*)

**A/n: **Ah, this is one of my favorite songs that I enjoyed in the movie. My friends got annoyed by me when I kept on singing this song after we watched this movie, but hey! I couldn't help it! It was my favorite. They also got embarrassed of me when I started to dance the Time Warp dance at the mall…lol.

(*---*)

Chapter Seven – Creature of the Night Ron and Hermione were brought to separate room, and Janet began to settle in, until she heard someone come into her room. 

HERMIONE: [Getting up] Who is it? Who's there?

SEAMUS: [Sounding exactly like Ron] It's only me, Hermione.

HERMIONE: Oh, Ron darling, come in. [Seamus or 'Ron' climbed in and started kissing Hermione] [Moaning] Oh! Ron Oh... Yes, my darling...but what if...

SEAMUS (RON VOICE): It's all right, Hermione, everything's going to be alright.

HERMIONE: Oh, I hope so, my darling. [Moaning, and pats his head]  Oh...Ah...ahh [Shrieks as she sees he's wearing a head and it's Seamus] OHHH! Oh it's you! [Pulls Seamus off her]

SEAMUS: I'm afraid so, Hermione, but isn't it nice... [Starts kissing her again]

HERMIONE: [Pulls him off her] Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Ron?

SEAMUS: Oh, well, nothing.  Why, do you think I should?

HERMIONE: You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never. Never...

SEAMUS: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it?  I think you really found it quite pleasurable. [Starts kissing her towards…the south]

HERMIONE: [Pleading lightly] Oh, stop...I mean help...[Moaning] Ron! Ron! [Shrieks] Oh Ron!!

SEAMUS: [Stops kissing her] Shhh. Ron's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like...This! [Seamus pulls Hermione's legs around his waist and bringing his pelvis towards her]

HERMIONE: Like this…Like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I was saving myself... [Pulling away]

SEAMUS: Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet... [Starts pleasuring her]

HERMIONE: Promise you won't tell Ron?

SEAMUS: Cross my heart and hope to die...[And does the nasty but the author is not going to give any details because this story is PG-13]

(*---*)

**_Seamus enters Ron's room._**

SEAMUS: [Sounding exactly like Hermione] Oh, Ron darling, it's no good here.  It'll destroy us.

RON: Don't worry Hermione; we'll be away from here in the morning.

SEAMUS (HERMIONE VOICE): [Lays down next to Ron and Ron pats his head] Oh, Ron you're so strong and protective.

RON: [Pulls off Seamus' wig, revealing Seamus] YOU!

FRANK: I'm afraid so, Ron, but isn't it nice...

RON: Why YOU!  What have you done with Hermione?

SEAMUS: Nothing.  Why?  Do you think I should?

RON: You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never...

SEAMUS: Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it?  Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it.

SEAMUS: [Begins kissing Ron, and going down south…] Oh... so soft...

RON: [Moaning] Stop it...stop it...oh Hermione... [Shrieks] HERMIONE!

SEAMUS: Shhh! Hermione's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you... like this! [Pulls Ron's legs around his body, rubbing his pelvis against his…eww how gross is this?!]

RON: [Pulls away] Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it was the real thing!

SEAMUS: Oh come on, Ron, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?  There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, Ron.  Oh Ron, you've wasted so much time already...Hermione needn't know, I won't tell. [Starts kissing him, again]

RON: Well, promise you won't tell... [Settles down, and let Seamus do all the… 'work']

SEAMUS: On my mother's graoouuuuuu.... [And does the nasty]

DEAN: [Comes on a television thing in Ron's room] Master, Draco has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds.  Pavarti has just released… the dogs.

SEAMUS:     Mmmmm?  Coming!

(*---*)

HERMIONE: [Goes in the elevator, crying] What's happening here?  Where's Ron?  Where's anybody?  Oh, Ron. Ron, my darling, how could I have done this to you?  Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if only the car hadn't broken down... oh, if only we were amongst friends...  Or sane persons, Oh Ron, what have they done with him...[Turns on a monitor in the lab, seeing Ron and Seamus doing the nasty] Oh, Ron, Oh Ron-How could you?

She starts to shed in tears, when she hears someone crying. She walks over to the tank, where Draco came out of, and saw him crying with scratches and bruises all over him, when he'd been attack by the dogs.

HERMIONE: Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you?  Here, I'll dress your wounds... [Tears a part of her dress slip, and wraps the strip around his wounded hand] baby there...

AUTHOR:  Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state.  It is also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Pavarti and Lavender eagerly viewed on their television monitor there seemed little doubt that Hermione was, indeed, ... its slave.

PAVARTI AND LAVENDER: Tell us about it, Hermione.

HERMIONE: [Singing, and climbing into the tank where Draco was in]

I was feeling done in, couldn't win

           I'd only ever kissed before.

LAVENDER:  You mean she's...

PAVARTI:   Uh huh.

HERMIONE:     I thought there's no use getting

           Into heavy petting

           It only leads to trouble

           And seat wetting.

           Now all I want to know is how to go.

           I've tasted blood and I want more.

[Getting closer to Draco]

PAVARTI AND LAVENDER: More, more, more

HERMIONE:     I'll put up no resistance

           I want to stay the distance

           I've got an itch to scratch

           I need assistance.

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me

           I want to be dirty

           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

           Creature of the night.

           Then if anything grows, while you pose,

           I'll oil you up and rub you down.

PAVARTI AND LAVENDER: Down, down, down.

HERMIONE:     And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction

           You need a friendly hand and I need action.

[Brings Draco's hands over her breasts and he rubs them]

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me

           I want to be dirty

           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

           Creature of the night.

LAVENDER:  Toucha toucha toucha touch me

PAVARTI:   I want to be dirty.

LAVENDER:  Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

PAVARTI:   Creature of the night.

HERMIONE: [Doing the special dance with Draco]

Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty

           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.

DRACO:     Creature of the night

RON:      Creature of the night?

SEAMUS:     Creature of the night.

PAVARTI:   Creature of the night.

DEAN: Creature of the night.

LAVENDER:  Creature of the night.

DRACO:     Creature of the night!

HERMIONE:     Creature of the night. [Gasps]

(*---*)

**A/n:** Okay, well this chapter had a lot of sexual stuff in it, but hey, that's what the movie is about…sorta! Well anyways, review! : )


	8. Neville

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

(*---*)

**A/n: **Once again, the next chapter. Enjoy.

(*---*)

Chapter Eight – Neville 

**_A whip cracked, and Seamus, Ron, and Dean entered the lab._**

DEAN: [Falling down, and getting whipped] Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  Merrrrrcy!

SEAMUS: [Whipping Dean] How did it happen?  I understood you were to be watching!

DEAN: I was only away for a minute...master [getting up]

SEAMUS: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

DEAN: [Looking at the monitor and sees someone] Master, master...we have a visitor.

RON: Hey, Remmy! ... Professor Remus Lupin!

DEAN: You know this earthling ...person?

RON: I most certainly do!  He happens to be an old friend of mine.

SEAMUS: I see.  So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.  You came here with a purpose.

RON: I told you, my car broke down.  I was telling the truth.

SEAMUS: I know what you told me...but this Professor Remus Lupin, his name is not unknown to me.

RON: He was a DADA professor at Hogwarts.

SEAMUS: And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Ron?  He's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call UFO's!  Isn't that right, Ron?

RON: He might be...I don't know.

DEAN: The intruder is entering the building, master.

SEAMUS: He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in person?

Dean turned on a magnet switch, and Professor Remus Lupin went wheeling (he was in a wheel chair) around the house, until he came wheeling into Seamus' lab, and Seamus stopped him by putting his foot on one of the wheels.

RON: Great Lupin!

PROFESSOR LUPIN: Finnegan, we meet at last.

RON: Professor Lupin!

PROFESSOR LUPIN: Ron! What are you doing here?

SEAMUS: Don't play games, Professor Lupin.  You know perfectly well what Ron Weasley is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not?  That he and his female should check the layout for you.  Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed.  I am adaptable, Professor Lupin; I know Ron is.

PROFESSOR LUPIN: I can assure you that Ron's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me.  I came here to find Neville.

RON: Neville!  I've seen him!

SEAMUS: Neville! What do you know of Neville, Professor Lupin?

PROFESSOR LUPIN: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.  You see Neville happens to be my nephew.

Ron: Professor Lupin.

Moaning comes from the tank where Draco came out of, and Seamus uncovers the blanket revealing Draco and Hermione. The two stand up, still in the tank, with a blanket covering their body.

HERMIONE: Ah!

PROFESSOR LUPIN: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Professor Lupin] Professor Lupin!

RON: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Ron] Ron!

SEAMUS: [Looking at Draco] Draco! [Draco looks at Seamus]

PROFESSOR LUPIN: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Professor Lupin] Professor Lupin!

RON: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Ron] Ron!

SEAMUS: [Looking at Draco] Draco! [Draco looks at Seamus]

PROFESSOR LUPIN: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Professor Lupin] Professor Lupin!

RON: [Looking at Hermione] Hermione!

HERMIONE: [Looking at Ron] Ron!

SEAMUS: [Looking at Draco] Draco! [Draco looks at Seamus]

SEAMUS: Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.

PAVARTI: [Enters, ringing a gong,] Master, dinner is prepared!

SEAMUS: Excellent. [Looking at Hermione] Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

AUTHOR:  Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal.  However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little. Bon ami.

SEAMUS: [Raises glass] A toast... to absent friends...

EVERYONE: To absent friends.

SEAMUS: And Draco. [Singing]  Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Draco... [Stops singing before singing 'Happy birthday to you'] Shall we?

PROFESSOR LUPIN: We came here to discuss Neville.

LAVENDER: [squeaks] Neville?!

SEAMUS: That's a rather tender subject.  Another slice anyone? [Cutting what looks like a turkey]

LAVENDER:  Excuse me... [Exits dining room]

PROFESSOR LUPIN: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined...Aliens!

SEAMUS: Ugh?!

RON AND HERMIONE: Professor Lupin!

SEAMUS: Go on, Professor Lupin.

RON: Just what exactly are you implying?

PROFESSOR LUPIN: It's all right!

RON: But Professor Lupin!

PROFESSOR LUPIN: That's all right, Ron!

PROFESSOR LUPIN: [singing]

           From the day he was born 

           He was trouble.

           He was the thorn

           In his mother's side.

           She tried in vain...

AUTHOR: [Singing] ...but he never caused her nothing but shame.

LUPIN: He left home the day she died.

           From the day she was gone

           All he wanted

           Was Rock 'n' Roll porn

           And a motorbike.

           Shooting up junk...

AUTHOR:  He was a low down cheap little punk!

LUPIN:     Taking everyone for a ride.

EVERYBODY:       When Neville said he didn't like his Teddy

           You knew he was a no-good kid.

           But when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife

SEAMUS:     What a guy!

HERMIONE:     Makes you cry.

LUPIN:     Und I did.

LAVENDER:  Everybody shoved him.

           I very nearly loved him.

           I said, hey, listen to me;

           Stay sane inside insanity!

           But he locked the door and threw away the key.

LUPIN:     But he must have been drawn

           Into something,

           Making him warn

           Me in a note that reads...

EVERYONE: What's it say?  What's it say?

NEVILLE'S VOICE: I'm out of my head.

           Oh, hurry, or I may be dead.

           They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

EVERYONE: When Neville said he didn't like his Teddy

           You knew he was a no-good kid.

           But when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife

SEAMUS:     What a guy!

HERMIONE: Makes you cry.

LUPIN: Und I did.

EVERYONE: When Neville said he didn't like his Taut

           You knew he was a no-good kid.

           But when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife

SEAMUS: What a guy!

HERMIONE:     Makes you cry.

LUPIN:     Und I did.

(*---*)

**A/n:** Okay, well, no lovey-dovey stuff in it this one. Well Professor Lupin is playing the part of Dr. Everett Scott, Eddie's Uncle. And Neville is playing the part of Eddie, remember the 'Hot Patootie' dude? Yeah ok, well, please review! : )


	9. Wise Up

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

(*---*)

**A/n:** Well, I guess the chapter is sort of short, but oh well!

(*---*)

Chapter Nine – Wise Up 

Seamus pulled off the tablecloth of the kitchen tablecloth revealing the dead Neville's body. Everyone screams and Hermione run to the other side of the table to be hugged by Draco. Seamus pulls Hermione off Draco and slaps her.

SEAMUS: Draco!  How could you? 

SEAMUS: [Singing]

          I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice.

           You'd better wise up, Hermione Granger.

           Your apple pie don't taste too nice.

           You'd better wise up, Hermione Granger.

Begins to chase Hermione around the castle, and tackling her.

           I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.

           You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.

           When we made it, didja hear a bell ring?

****

           Ya gotta block?  Well, take my advice.

           You better wise up, Janet Weiss.

           The transducer will seduce ya.

They run up to Seamus' lab, and he flicks a switch, so Hermione, Ron, and Professor Lupin cannot move.

HERMIONE: My feet!  I can't move my feet!

LUPIN: My wheels!  My God, I can't move my wheels!

RON: It's as if we're glued to the spot!

SEAMUS: You are!  So quake with fear, you tiny fools!

HERMIONE: We're trapped!

SEAMUS: It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice.

LUPIN: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.  This sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?

RON: You mean...

LUPIN: Yes, Ron, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time.  But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps even time.. itself!

HERMIONE: You mean he's going to send us to another planet?

SEAMUS: [singing] Planet, shmanet, Hermione!

           You better wise up, Hermione Granger.

           You better wise up, build your thighs up,

           You better wise up

AUTHOR:  And then she cried out...

HERMIONE: Stop!

SEAMUS:     Don't get hot and flustered!

           Use a bit of mustard.

RON: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Seamus Finnegan.

Seamus gave a signal for Dean to flip the switch for the Medusa-inator (I think it's called) and Ron freezes up, looking like a nude statue.

LUPIN: You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to hurt her, Seamus Finnegan.

Seamus gave another signal, and Professor Lupin also became a nude statue.

HERMIONE: You're a hot dog --

Before Hermione could say another word, she also became a nude statue.

LAVENDER: [Coming towards Seamus]  My God!  I can't stand any more of this!  First you spurn me for Neville, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Draco!  You chew people up and then you spit them out again...I loved you..do you hear me?  I loved you!  And what did it get me?  Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion.  Yeah, well, I've had enough you're gonna choose between me and Draco, so named because of the rocks in his head.

Once again, another signal, and Lavender also became a nude statue. Seamus looked up at where Draco was, and he also became a nude statue.

SEAMUS: It's not easy having a good time... even smiling makes my face ache... and my children turn on me...Draco's behaving just the way that Neville did.  Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?

PAVARTI: Ahhhh!  I grow veary of this world!  When shall we return to Transylvania, huh?

SEAMUS: Pavarti, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Dean.  You have both served me well.  Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded.  You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous.

PAVARTI:   I ask for nothing...nothing.

SEAMUS:     And you shall receive it...in abundance!  Come, we are ready for the floorshow! [Enters the elevator, slowly followed by Pavarti and Dean]

AUTHOR:  And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Ron and Hermione should keep that appointment with their friend, Professor Remus Lupin.  But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen.  And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Ron and Hermione had both tasted forbidden fruit.  This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to?  And what of the floor show that is spoken of?  In an empty house?  In the middle of the night?  What diabolical plan had been shaped by Seamus' crazed imagination?  What indeed?  From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic.

(*---*)

**A/n:** Hmm…what will Seamus' floorshow would be like…review, and you will find out…. DUN DUN DUNNNN!


	10. Floor Show

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

(*---*)

**A/n:** Okay, now it's time for the floorshow!

(*---*)

Chapter Ten- Floor Show 

The nude statues of Draco, Ron, Hermione, and Lavender were on a stage, and Seamus put whore looking outfits, similar to his, on them, along with heavy makeup like he has. Than, he put the De-Medusa-enator switch type thing to un-statue them, one by one.

LAVENDER: [Singing] It was great when it all began.

           I was a regular Seamus fan.

           But it was over when he had the plan

           To start a-working on a muscle man.

           Now the only thing that gives me hope

           Is my love of a certain dope.

           Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

DRACO: [Singing] I'm just seven hours old,

           And truly beautiful to behold.

           And somebody should be told

           My libido hasn't been controlled.

           Now the only thing I've come to trust

           Is an orgasmic rush of lust.

           Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

RON: [Singing] It's beyond me; help me Mommy!

           I'll be good; you'll see.

           Take this dream away.

           What's this?  Let's see,

           I feel sexy!

           What's come over me?

           Wo!  Here it comes again.

HERMIONE: [Singing] I feel released; bad times decease.

           My confidence has increased; reality is here.

           The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.

           It's a gas that Seamus' landed!

           His lust is so sincere.

Then, they meet at a pool in the back of a stage, and Seamus is floating in there.

SEAMUS: [Singing] Whatever happened to Fay Wray?

           That delicate, satin-draped frame?

           As it clung to her thigh

           How I started to cry

           'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

           Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.

           Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

           Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure

           And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.

           Can't you just see it?  Oh, oh, oh... oh!

           Don't dream it, be it.

EVERYONE:       Don't dream it, be it.

Than, Professor Remus Lupin got out of his statue state, but he's still dress like himself.

LUPIN: Ach!  We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I've got

           To be strong, and try to hang on, or else my mind may well snap, and my life will be    

           Lived... for the thrills! [Lifts leg from under the blanket revealing his bare leg, wearing a high-heel]

RON:  It's beyond me; help me Mommy!

HERMIONE: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

SEAMUS: [Singing] My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!

           I'm a wild and an untamed thing.

           I'm a bee with a deadly sting.

           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.

           So let the party and the sounds rock on.

           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.

           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

EVERYONE:      We're a wild and an untamed thing.

           We're bees with a deadly sting.

           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.

           So let the party and the sounds rock on.

           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.

           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

           We're a wild and an untamed thing.

           We're bees with a deadly sting.

           You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

           Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.

           So let the party and the sounds rock on.

           We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone, gone, gone.

           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

The song ends, and Dean and Pavarti come in the room, wearing silver suits.

DEAN: Finnegan, it's all over.

           Your mission is a failure;

           Your lifestyle's too extreme.

           I'm your new commander;

           You now are my prisoner.

           We return to Transylvania.

           Prepare the transit beam.

SEAMUS:     Wait!  I can explain!

(*---*)

**A/n:** Oh dear, what will happen next? DUN DUN DUNNNN! Review to find out! ;)


	11. I'm Going Home and Super Heros

                                                                                                The Draco Horror Picture Show

(*---*)

**A/n:** And Finally, the last chapter of this wonderful Musical. It just brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

(*---*)

Chapter Eleven – I'm Going Home and Super Heroes 

Dean and Pavarti told Seamus that it was time to go home to their beloved planet of Transylvania.

SEAMUS:  [Singing] On the day I went away...

EVERYONE:   [Singing] Goodbye...

SEAMUS:     Was all I had to say...

EVERYONE:       Now I...

SEAMUS:     I want to come again, and stay.

EVERYONE:       Oh, my, my...

SEAMUS:     Smile, and that will mean I may.

           'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

           Through the tears in my eyes

           And I realize, I'm going home.

EVYERONE:       I'm going home.

SEAMUS:     Everywhere it's been the same...

EVERYONE:       ...feeling...

SEAMUS:     ...like I'm outside in the rain...

EVERYONE:       ...wheeling...

SEAMUS:     ...free to try and find a game...

EVERYONE:       ...dealing...

SEAMUS:     ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain.

           'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

           Through the tears in my eyes

           And I realize, I'm going home.

SEAMUS AND EVERYONE ELSE: I'm going home.

PAVARTI: [Talking] How sentimental.

DEAN: And also presumptuous of you.  You see, when I said WE were to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Pavarti and myself.  I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway. [Pulling out a laser gun bean type thing]

LUPIN:     Great heavens!  That's a laser!

DEAN: Yes, Professor Lupin.  A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.

RON:      You mean...you're going to kill him?  What's his crime?

LUPIN:     You saw what became of Neville.  Society must be protected.

DEAN: Exactly, Lupin.  And now, Seamus Finnegan, your time has come.  Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!

Dean pulled the trigger of the laser bean type thing, killing Seamus. Draco made a fit, and started running everywhere, with Seamus over his shoulder. Dean hit Draco at least a dozen times, killing Draco.

RON:      Good God!

HERMIONE:     Oh!  You killed them!

PAVARTI:   But I thought you liked them.  They liked you.

DEAN: They didn't like me!  He never liked ME!

LUPIN:     You did right.

DEAN: A decision had to be made.

LUPIN:     You're O.K. by me.

DEAN: Professor Lupin, I'm sorry about your nephew.

LUPIN:    Neville?  Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.

DEAN:      You should leave now, Professor Lupin, while it is still possible.  We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania.  Go...  Now!  Our noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.

PAVARTI:   Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night.  To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain...To take that - step, to the right...

DEAN AND PAVARTI: HAH!!

DEAN: But it's the pelvic THRUST...

RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS:  That drives you insane!

PAVARTI:   And our world...will do the Time Warp...again!

Ron, Hermione, and Professor Remus Lupin made their way out of the castle, and the castle blasted off to the planet of Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania.

RON: [Singing] I've done a lot; God knows I've tried

           To find the truth.  I've even lied.

           But all I know is down inside I'm

EVERYONE:       Bleeding...

HERMIONE: [Singing] And super heroes come to the feast

           To taste the flesh not yet deceased.

           And all I know is still the beast is

EVERYONE:       Feeding...

           Ahh, ahh...

AUTHOR: [Singing] And crawling on the planet's face

           Some insects, called the human race...

           Lost in time, and lost in space,

           And meaning.

EVERYONE:       Meaning.

The End.

(*---*)

**A/n:** Ah, those two words that end a story. The End.


End file.
